Today, across South Korea, 650,000 high school seniors will face the most crucial evaluation of their young lives: the national college entrance examination. And on this day each year, a nation of 48 million holds its collective breath: Grounding airplanes and shushing car horns, noisy vehicular traffic, even loud conversations.
Efforts to ensure fairness are often mind-boggling.
In Seoul this year, nearly 100 domestic flights at nearby Gimpo Airport will be either delayed or canceled so as not to conflict with the exam at surrounding schools, according to the Korea Airports Assn.
Morning commute hours will also be delayed in most large cities so students won’t get tangled in traffic en route to their test sites. Those who do can request a police escort to make it on time.
Even the national stock market opens an hour later, to account for tardy employees.
At each school where the exam is given, a team of police officers patrols the surrounding neighborhood to ensure quiet. That means no roaring motorcycles or unnecessary horn-blowing.
I think this is the first time I ever found something funny on Twitter. Some guy is twittering things his 73-year-old father says, and it’s hilarious:
“Don’t touch the bacon, it’s not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i’ll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing.”
“The dog don’t like you planting stuff there. It’s his backyard. If you’re the only one who shits in something, you own it. Remember that.”
“The worst thing you can be is a liar….Okay fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2”
“Here’s a strawberry, sorry for farting near you…Hey! Either take the strawberry and stop bitching, or no strawberry, that’s the deal.”
1. Ask them why they are bitter against God.
2. Tell them that if there’s no God, they might as well go out and kill people.
3. Ask them to pray with you.
4. Invite their children to go to church with you.
5. Insist that there is a God, and show them where in the Bible it says so.
Maybe a little bit too bitter, but some made me laugh anyway.
At Cleverbot.com you can talk to a computer program. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be very clever yet:
User: Do you know the difference between white and black?
Cleverbot: Yes I know the difference.
User: Tell me.
Cleverbot: I have ears.
User: That’s not a very good answer.
Cleverbot: Yes. You think I am christina : I lied.
User: My my, the turing test is still way off for you, now isn’t it?
Cleverbot: The cuisine is more sweet than Biblical.
User: You call yourself clever?
Cleverbot: Hell yes I do.
User: Because a point about the turing test implies a reply about cuisine and the bible?
Cleverbot: What the heck?
User: Ok, simple things then.
User: Nice weather, hey?
Cleverbot: Very nice!
User: Has it been this nice for a long time?
Cleverbot: About 7 years.
User: 7 years of nice weather – wow. You are one lucky bot!
Cleverbot: We don’t have ‘food’, only Mars bars.
Cleverbot (To myself): I love Mars bars.
J. Kenji Lopez-Alt has done some serious science on how to boil an egg – and he found a way to boil it perfection, time and time again:
In this image, the egg to the right has been in the water for half an hour longer than the egg to the left, yet they’re both perfectly cooked.
A friend of mine wrote this:
In international environments, such as Geneva, you will encounter people from many different cultures and backgrounds. Without proper precautions, encounters with people so different from yourself might quickly go awry. Having observed interactions between many people for a while, I was able to compile the following list of tips to ensure smooth sailing in a sea of sensitivities. Note that this list only contains only genuine items – techniques tried in practice. All of them have been observed, not made up, it all really happened, and I was lucky enough to be present to bring you these gems of diplomacy.
Tips for people from …
Check your passport to see if any of these tips apply to you.
- Cook and eat like in you’re in China, preferably while other people are trying to eat.
- Explain that Falung Gong members are involved in politics and not just religion. Proceed to say that therefore it’s logical that they’re being persecuted.
- Ask someone for his or her nationality. Remind them how many days it took the Nazi’s to conquer that country.
- Make sure your presence is noted. Use your accent to alert a whole room or train at once.
- Mix in “y’know”, and “like” when speaking a language other than English to make things clear.
- Act surprised whenever somebody has never heard of something only found in the US.
Upon encountering people from…
Once you’ve figured out the nationality of whomever you’re talking to, use the following tips to get a conversation going.
“Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion, has actually convinced people… that there’s an invisible man! Living in the sky! Who watches everything you do, every minute, of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does NOT WANT YOU TO DO. And if you do any of these 10 things, he has a special place full of fire, and smoke, and burning, and torture, and anguish where he will send YOU, to live and suffer and burn, and choke, and scream, and cry, forever and ever till the end of time. …but he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.”
– George Carlin, “You’re All Diseased.”
“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
– Epicurus, Greek Philosopher
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”
– Emo Philips
“What can be asserted without proof can be dismissed without proof.”
I’m not really an Apple hater, but I immensely enjoyed this rant:
“I admit it: I’m a bigot. A hopeless bigot at that: I know my particular prejudice is absurd, but I just can’t control it. It’s Apple. I don’t like Apple products. And the better-designed and more ubiquitous they become, the more I dislike them. I blame the customers. Awful people. Awful. Stop showing me your iPhone. Stop stroking your Macbook. Stop telling me to get one.
Seriously, stop it. I don’t care if Mac stuff is better. I don’t care if Mac stuff is cool. I don’t care if every Mac product comes equipped a magic button on the side that causes it to piddle gold coins and resurrect the dead and make holographic unicorns dance inside your head. I’m not buying one, so shut up and go home. Go back to your house. I know, you’ve got an iHouse. The walls are brushed aluminum. There’s a glowing Apple logo on the roof. And you love it there. You absolute MONSTER.”
More (highly recommended 🙂 )
With all the supposedly good news about a new Depression-style recession having been averted, I’d like to point to some of last week’s headlines I would have thought impossible only two years ago:
- Hunger hits Detroit
- Two out of five working-age Californians jobless
- US families turn to food stamps as wages drop
- China alarmed by US money printing
… and we didn’t even get to hyperinflation yet :p